12.31.09
Welcome to My Story
Hello, reader!
Welcome to the story of my recovery. If you are a new reader, I suggest reading the “about” page and then reading the posts in chronological order. The earliest posts can be found in the archives, located in the sidebar.
Thank you for your prayers and support.
01.18.10
In My Own Words…
Dear Family, Friends and Prayer warriors,
I hope you and your family are filled with hope and grace from this Christmas season and new year! Thank you a million times for your prayers! I know without a doubt they are the reason I am alive and my recovery has been going faster than the doctors predicted. I am also grateful for all of the support, whether it was financial, flowers, cards and messages. They have all been encouraging and have brought hope and joy… thank you!
These days I’m getting stronger and more independent. I still experience pain from my incision where they cut through the muscle and from a loose rib where they inserted a tube in my left lung. I also experience a slight pain in my lungs when I cough, sneeze or take a deep breath in. I still tend to tire quickly, especially now that it is bitter and cold. I am not as active now because of the cold weather, and since I’m not in physical therapy, I do have concern that my muscle will atrophy. Other than that I’m doing amazingly well! Recovery is just taking a bit longer then I thought!
What a journey this experience has been! It’s been one of disappointment yet hope, sadness yet joy. It’s been filled with loneliness yet great love! I’ve tried to hold on to dreams but, by grace, have been able to let go. I’ve cried and laughed more than ever these past months. I’ve learned more during this time than I ever have in the past 30 some years of my life combined.
For the past couple of years, I have meditated on a talk given by Fr. Henri Nouwen, called ‘The Spirituality of Waiting’, and his words on this subject have had greater impact on me during this time of my life. It’s easy to wish the moments away when I find I have loads of time on my hands and have nothing to keep me busy. I am often anxiously awaiting a busier life that lays ahead of me, but Fr. Henri says “Active waiting means to be present fully to the moment, in the conviction that something is happening where you are and that you want to be present to it. A waiting person is someone who is present to the moment, who believes that this is the moment.” My counselor, Sr. Colleen Ann, encourages this and constantly reminds me to “Embrace the place that God has called you to be.” In the moments when I actually follow their advice, I find that having an empty schedule and turning off the noise allows me to hear God. I have been able to learn so much about Him and the life He is calling me to in these moments.
Now that I’m physically and emotionally stronger, I’m able to read and listen to talks. A common concept I continue to read and hear is that when you don’t have or take the time your relationship with God and others suffer. As someone who loves to be busy, it took a forced sabbatical on the couch to realize how true this is. Even though it can be hard watching everyone around me living their busy lives (via facebook, twitter, phone calls and visits) from my spot on the couch, I realize how much my relationships are growing of the vast amounts of time I have to invest in them.
Along these same lines, perhaps the greatest and most difficult lesson I’ve learned is recognizing my worth as a Daughter of God and not in my productivity. Since I cannot work and do a whole lot, it’s easy to feel as though I have nothing to contribute to the world but I have realized that it’s not about doing anything – it’s about being – and that in itself is enough! I have realized through this experience how loved and cherished I am simply for being the child that God created me because even in my most pain-filled, gross and weakest moments my family and friends never left my bedside. This revelation has and will continue to resonate deep in my heart.
Slowing down has been a great blessing! It has taught me to embrace and to live in the moment … to surrender my dreams and plans to God and His Will. I have experienced joy even in the midst of loss and heartache. One of my greatest joys in all of this is the friendship that strengthened between me and Danny. We have been close friends since we first met five years ago. Danny’s friendship helped carry me through the darkest moments of my recovery, and we’ve recently entered into a relationship in which we are praying about whether God may be calling us to be married. We would appreciate your prayers as we discern what God has in store.
A good friend of mine, who is a Catholic music artist, wrote a song called Embrace, that not only speaks of how I feel but also ministers to me. The lyrics are below, but I encourage you to listen to it! The song can be found on iTunes(search for Amanda Vernon).
Thank you again and many blessings to you and your family!
God is Sovereign!
~Rosario Rodriguez
Check these websites for more information on my recovery:
http://rosariorodriguez.wordpress.com/
http://www.friendofactone.com/
http://gallery.me.com/chaylupita/100032
Embrace
©Amanda Vernon, 2007
The plan that I was clinging to
Has slipped out of my fingers
Crashing as it hit the ground
The fragments now lay shattered
As my pride is torn and hurt
In this promise I take comfort:
If I lay my broken heart
Down upon the cross,
If I taste the tears that fall,
And accept the loss,
If my dreams are crucified,
They will rise up to new life.
Death won’t have the final say,
So I’ll embrace the pain.
If I tried to fit the jagged
Pieces back together,
I could never reconstruct
The image I had pictured.
I raise my hands to let them stay.
Deep in silence I remain.
Tell me,
If I lay my broken heart
Down upon the cross,
If I taste the tears that fall,
And accept the loss,
If my dreams are crucified,
Will they rise up to new life?
Or will death have the final say
When I embrace the pain?
From the silence Someone takes
The pieces one by one,
Gently sets them side by side,
Like I could not have done.
Dreams I thought had died
Take on new shape before my eyes,
Beautifully so much more
Than I could ever hope for.
When I laid my broken heart
Down upon the cross,
When I tasted tears that fell
As I felt the loss,
Though my dreams were crucified,
They have risen to new life.
Death won’t have the final say,
For I embraced the pain,
And I will praise His name.
12.22.09
splendidly slow
It has been a while since I posted anything regarding Rosario’s medical status. The good news is she continues to improve splendidly, but slowly. The great news is she is still complication-free! Thanks, of course, to your continued prayers!
Rosario hasn’t had the normal physical therapy one might expect after such an intense trauma due to her uninsured status, but she has benefited from the generosity of friends. One of whom is a massage therapist and is able to keep a watchful eye on Rosario’s muscle tone improvement, at a compassionate discount.
Most of Rosario’s pain, which she still experiences chronically, is on her right side, where the incision was made, and in her lungs whenever she takes a deep breath, yawns or coughs. Recently, Rose noticed pain on her left side, which concerned her. She thought there was something wrong with her left lung, but Dad assured her it wasn’t.
“You would have trouble breathing if there was something wrong with your lung,” he told her. “It’s probably the muscle near your lung. After all, you did have a tube in there.”
The next time Rosario went for a massage, she mentioned it to her massage therapist. Maranda felt the culpable muscle and discovered one of Rose’s ribs was out-of-place, most likely caused by the tube that was inserted in the hospital to drain her left lung. She didn’t notice it before because the pain from the incision was so intense. Now that it is slowly subsiding, Rosario is able to notice other pain. I know more pockets of pain is not fun, but it is proof that healing is taking place!
This experience has been eye-opening for all who come in contact with Rosario. It is difficult for us to comprehend the extent of her injuries and pain. Once in a while, people will try to compare their surgical and medical experiences with hers. Some do it as a way to almost compete with Rose; others do it so they can relate to what Rosario is going through, still recognizing the difference between their situation and hers. A few people question her slow rate of recovery, but the doctors said it would take a year. Rosario isn’t the type of person to mope around, milking her injuries for all they’re worth - she is fiercely independent. Relying on others hasn’t been easy, but it has been motivating. Rose has days when she is ready to conquer the world, but the reality of her current physical limitations keeps her from doing so. Other days, she is exhausted mentally, emotionally and physically. Still, she does her best to stay positive about life.
On one of Rosario’s ready-to-conquer-the-world days, she made herself lunch: mac & cheese! It was a HUGE step on her journey back to independence. Soon, she’ll be whipping out her famous molasses cookies for mass consumption! Oh, wait – she’s already done that! Rosario made two batches of cookies over the weekend, with a little help from yours truly. Pretty soon she will be physically ready to conquer the world - and she will do it with the help of her divinely delicious molasses cookies!
As always, thank you for your continued prayers! May you have a blessed and holy Christmas!
Posted by Cecilia
12.03.09
Birthday Celebrations
originally posted on Cecilia’s blog:
It has been five months and four days since the incident that drastically changed the direction of my sister’s life. I know I have mentioned the miracle of her survival many times, but it was a defining moment not only in Rosario’s life but in our family as well. Reflecting back, I can see the multitude of lessons and revelations, blessings and miracles. And that’s just skimming the surface. Most of us have barely begun to process the effects of it all because we’ve been focused on helping Rosario through her recovery. As we slowly peel away each layer of discovery, I am confident we will expose a richness and a depth of life we have never before experienced.
So why acknowledge this seemingly random day? Well today is Rosario’s birthday. The events of five months and four days ago have heightened this year’s celebrations of Rosario’s life. Today we are keenly aware of the blessing and miracle that is Rose.
So, here’s to you, dear sister! And here’s to many returns of this day!
Click here to read more!
11.03.09
More Than Just Distance
The following was originally posted Cecilia’s blog:
Race days are always exciting for the Schwartz family. We usually have a couple of runners participating and the rest of us are on the sidelines supporting them with our cheers and clever signs. I love attending local races to encourage my mom and my sisters as they make their way to the finish line.
Race day for the 2009 Grand Rapids Marathon was a little different. Only one runner from our family was participating: mom. She wasn’t running the full marathon but she was going to conquer the half. This was the longest race Mom has ever attempted. That fact alone was thrilling, but this race wasn’t just about distance – it was about a mother’s love.
Sixteen weeks ago, my parents received news that every parent dreads. Their oldest daughter, Rosario, was in surgery thousands of miles away. She had been shot in the chest during a random mugging near her home in West Hollywood. Details were received in bits and pieces, but the support from Rosario’s friends in California and our friends and family in Michigan and all over the country flooded in.
Mom, Dad and I flew to Los Angeles to witness for ourselves the miracle of life that is Rosario, who was working as a missionary. It truly is a miracle that she survived. The doctors and surgeons said she should have dropped dead as soon as the bullet entered. “God smiled on her,” one of the surgeons told us. The prognosis was more that we could have ever hoped: she is expected to make a full recovery!
That is not to say the last four months have been easy going on Rosario. She hasn’t had any major complications, but the recovery process, which could take up to a year, has been slow and painful. Rosario has been very gracious throughout this whole ordeal. Although she remains positive and recognizes every day as a gift, there are days when her pain is overwhelming.
It has not been easy for our parents, either. Almost losing their daughter was devastating, and leaving her in LA (Mom after four days and Dad after nine) broke their hearts. They left Rosario in the very capable hands of a family friend until she was well enough to fly home in mid-August, where she will remian until she is able to care for herself again. It has been a comfort and joy for Mom and Dad to care for their beloved daughter.
A few weeks after Rosario had been released from the hospital, she and Mom were chatting on the phone. Mom mentioned that she had been running with Run Gazelle, a local running club, and was training for a 10k. She had just found out she had a scheduling conflict with the date of the 10k. Mom was disappointed. She had the option to train for a half marathon, but wasn’t sure if she could do it. Rosario lamented how much she missed running and that it will be quite a while before she can train for a race. That was all Mom needed to hear. She decided to run the half marathon in Rosario’s honor. “If Rosario can take a bullet in the chest, I can run a half marathon,” Mom said.
When race day finally arrived, the family was full of excitement! We couldn’t wait to share in Mom’s joy as she crossed the finish line. Not all of us could go to the race due to conflicting school/work schedules, but those of us who were able to go wrapped ourselves in layers upon layers of clothing and topped them off with warm hats and massive winter coats. It was a very cold morning. Other spectators looked at us like we were crazy since we all looked like we were headed to the arctic circle instead of the Grand Rapids Marathon finish line.
We stationed ourselves along the route at the three and a half mile mark. It was a perfect location right in front of the downtown Starbucks. We indulged in hot lattes and waited inside for the runners to start flying by before standing on the curb to wait for Mom. We held our sign with pride and cheered for her as she passed. The sign read “MOM’S LOVE: STRONGER THAN A SPEEDING BULLET”. It may not have made sense to other people, but we knew what it meant.
We made our way to the finish line, with Dad leading the way. We settled Rosario into a chair and covered her with blankets. Then we waited. And waited. And waited. Dad, Rosario, Angelica and I were joined by several friends. We waited some more. Every ten minutes, Dad would say “Any minute now!”
We saw Mom’s running buddy, Karen, pass by and knew Mom wouldn’t be too far behind. We spotted her just after she turned the corner. She was so focused on the finish line she didn’t acknowledge our wild cheering, but we continued just the same until she finished the race. We packed up our camp and headed to the finish line to greet the conquering hero.
Mom proudly wore her finisher’s medal as she hugged each of us. Then she stood in front of Rosario and said, “I told you I was running this race in your name, so this really belongs to you.” Mom took the medal from around her neck and gently placed over Rosario’s head. “My half marathon has ended, but you are still in the middle of your marathon. I’m glad I was able to run part of it with you.”
It wasn’t about the distance. It was about a mother’s longing to take away her daughter’s pain. It was about a mother’s desire to give her daughter hope. It was about a mother’s determination to honor her daughter’s courage. It was about a mother running side-by-side with her daughter through the most difficult part of the race.
This race wasn’t just about the distance. It was about a mother’s love that is stronger than a speeding bullet.
Posted by Cecilia
10.16.09
The Great Crap Discourse
Here is an amusing story from Rosario’s stay in the hospital:
Posted by Cecilia
10.11.09
New seasons = New challenges, Posted Oct 7, 2009 on Carepages
Hello, all!
The autumn season has descended on Michigan with its fabulous fall colors and not-so-fabulous cooler temperatures. The changing weather has brought new challenges to Rosario’s recovery.
Rose has always been a Michigan winter wimp (She will tell you so herself), and the mild temps have already started to affect her. It hasn’t been easy for Rosario to get her exercise, which has been walking around the neighborhood with Angelica. Sure Rose can bundle up, but her muscles start to tense up if she is outside for long periods of time. She is still in a lot of pain and cold, tense muscles not only add to the pain but it tires her out a lot faster. Plus, if she gets too cold she might start to shiver. I don’t even want to think about the pain that would inflict on Rosario!
Another concern is the flu and cold season. Rose’s lungs are still weak and we have to do everything we can to keep her from getting sick, even if it means sending her to a ‘safe house’. Rosario has been staying with our aunt and uncle this past week because Rita, who shares a room with Rose, has a horrific cold. Please pray that Rosario will be protected from all illnesses!
Rosario had a massage last week, which was fabulous! Her masseur, Maranda, was ever so gentle around the incision area and was able to work out major knots in Rosario’s shoulders, neck and back. Maranda also had a lot of good advice for Rose as far as her injured muscles.
We have been concerned about her muscle, but because Rosario is uninsured, she hasn’t had any physical therapy. Thankfully, the Lord has provided generous friends who have experience is this area and who have graciously offered help. Rose has a few new exercises to do. Also, she has figured out her energy endurance time. Whenever Rosario has a surge of energy, she tends to overdo it and then is completely wiped out. She has energy for about forty-five minutes and is making an effort to keep her activities to about thirty minutes or so. That way she won’t be completely drained and will hopefully be able to build her endurance.
There are a lot of little things Rosario is working on. She is still too overwhelmed to respond to all of your emails and messages individually, but please know that she reads them and is very grateful for your encouragement and continued prayers.
Today is the feast of Our Lady of the Rosary, for whom Rosario was named. Please ask for Our Lady’s special intercession for Rosario today on this beautiful feast!
Posted by Cecilia
09.23.09
Progess – Slow But Steady = A Carepage Post
Posted Sep 18, 2009 2:15pm
Hey there, family and friends!
I apologize for the lack of updates and email notifications. CarePages has been having issues with the emails. Even if you don’t receive a notification, please feel free to visit the site and leave messages for Rosario.
We’ve reached a ’slow and steady’ point on Rosario’s road to recovery. This has been good and bad. The ups and downs are not as volitle, but her day-to-day improvement isn’t as noticable, which can trick us into thinking there is no improvement. (This is when Rose needs your wonderful notes of encouragement and prayer to keep her spirits up.)
There isn’t too much to report. Rosario has had some busy weekends visiting family, going to a friend’s wedding, being part of our cheering section at performances, etc. She even got to see the Celebration on the Grand fireworks last week! (We weren’t sure how Rosario would do with the sound of the fireworks, but she was ok.)
The weekdays are tough since most of Rose’s family and friends are at work. There isn’t much she can do yet, which makes for long, boring days. Please pray that we can find something productive for Rosario to do as she continues her recovery.
Also, be sure to check out the photo gallery. We’ve uploaded some more picutres. It is important to realize that even though Rose looks like her amazingly fabulous self, she is still in a lot of pain.
Please keep the prayers and messages coming!
Posted by Cecilia
Significant Moments – A Carepage Update
Posted Sep 2, 2009 1:24pm
Hello, friends of Rosario!
Sorry for the lack of updates. We’ve been pretty busy just enjoying Rosario’s company. I can’t tell you how grateful we are to have her home!! Plus, she has gotten off the recovery roller coaster, which means her progress has been pretty steady. That’s not to say there haven’t been significant moments: Rosario’s life has become a constant stream of significant moments! Still, it has been a relief for her to forego the dramatic ups and downs of recovery.
Rosario has improved drastically since her arrival home. It’s not that we are doing a better job than her LA family – they were fantastic and Rose misses them dearly; she is just at a point in her recovery where there is obvious progress to be made. There seems to be a never-ending supply of ‘firsts’:
- The first time Rosario was able to walk without the support of someone’s arm.
- The first time she went up and down stairs on her own.
- The first time she got all dressed up and painted the town pink!
- The first time she wore heels! They were little one inch wedges, but it was still exciting!
- The first time she put on her make-up standing up.
- The first time she danced! She did a little cumbia last week! In her own words: “I busted a move… a very small move, but I still busted a move!”
- The first time she opened a door by herself! We were leaving the mall. Rose said, “I’ll get my own door, thank you!” and pushed the handicap button.
There have been many other significant moments for Rosario, some of which get a little emotional, which is not surprising considering all she has been through. Rose has a fresh outlook on life and a renewed appreciation for simple pleasures.
Rosario does her best to keep her spirits up, but it isn’t easy. She was never one to sit around, so she has been getting rather bored. She still doesn’t have the strength to hold a book for a long time or to respond to emails and whatnot, which means she gets rather restless. The boredom has its benefits: it has been a great motivator. Rosario knows she can’t push herself too far too fast, but the added determination has been helpful. Walking has been her physical activity of choice. She tries to walk every day. The rain from last week made taking walks difficult, but Rose made up for that on Monday when she and Mom walked two miles. Yes, you read that right: TWO MILES!! It was a slow two miles and Rosario was a bit tired after, but she was satisfied with her accomplishment.
Her recovery at home hasn’t been a breeze – she had and still has many more hurdles to overcome. Rosario is still in need of your prayers! Her upper body is in constant pain from the incision where the doctors cut the muscle to gain access to her lungs and other organs. Her right arm is very weak, which is why she isn’t able to hold a book. She is still at risk for complications with her esophagus (I never would have thought I’d become an expert at spelling ‘esophagus’!). And, of course, there is the continued healing of the emotional and psychological trauma.
Thank you again and again for your support!
For those in Grand Rapids or Michigan who would like to visit Rose, please contact me at ceciliamschwartz[at]gmail[dot]com.
Posted by Cecilia
Rejoicing In Prayer and Comfort – A Carepage Post
Posted Aug 20, 2009 8:43am
Hello, family and friends of Rosario!
It has been one week since Rosario and Danny flew across the country to surprise the family. I can’t tell you how good it is to be near her. I wish I could be by her side all day, but simply knowing she is about eight minutes away from me is very comforting.
The change of location has not been without its struggles. At Danny’s, Rosario was spoiled. At Mom and Dad’s, she’s entered ‘recovery boot camp’. For example, Rose had the option of taking the stairs or the elevator at Danny’s; Mom and Dad have stairs – two sets! There have been a few other challenges, but Rose has taken them in stride.
Keep the prayers coming! There is still a threat of complications with the esophagus and she is still in a lot of pain where the doctors cut through the muscle and separated her ribs.
While you are remembering Rosario in your prayers, we would ask that you also remember three people we have been asked to pray for:
Stacy (cousin of our cousin, Ron) was hit by a car as she crossed the street. She has multiple fractures at the lower back of the skull. She has a concussion, but it is yet to be known the extent of the brain injury and how it might affect her.
Leopoldo (brother of a woman in our dance group) was very ill from either pneumonia or bronchitis or something similar. He was in ICU for several days.
Gilbert (brother-in-law of a family friend) had a stroke last week and was experiencing paralysis on his left side. They aren’t sure if the paralysis is permanent.
We know firsthand how powerful prayer is! Just look at the miracle that is Rosario. So to be specific, we know how powerful YOUR prayers are! Please continue praying for Rose’s recovery and for these others who are also in need of intercession.
I can’t thank you enough, dear CarePage family! I don’t know how we would have made this far without each one of you! Thank you for continuing to walk with Rosario on this journey!
Posted by Cecilia
